Music Photos

Stop Trying so Hard to Fix Yourself

"Ate Amy! We have messages for you!" Grace, one of the girls from the choir calls to me from the porch. I come to the door smiling, to see Grace, her sister Pamela and two other girls from the choir standing there. Grace offers me a card filled with messages... mostly in English!... from the girls in the choir. They express their thanks, and say they love me and will miss me and want me to come back. Then Grace hands me a package of thin felt markers in bright colors... they look like the markers the girls used to write the card. A small gift in monetary or western value... but like the widow who gave only 2 cents to the temple treasury and Jesus said she gave more than the rich because it was all she had, this was a precious gift. Coming from a poor family, I treasure this gift as a sacrifice on her part and rejoice in it because I know God rejoices that she chose to give something away for another.

God answered your prayers regarding the last choir practice... it went so efficiently, I know God was with us. The concluding party for the choir girls also went very well, and so did our performances. My only dissapointment was that even at the party I wasn't able to have a good conversation with one of the girls to really share about who God is to me. But God had a different plan.

Sunday evening, the last Sunday evening of my stay in the Philippines several of the girls came over to the Roots porch in the evening and called out, "Ate Amy! We are here to visit you." I came and sat with them on the porch. Most of them don't know English very well, and I don't know Tagalog. But one or two helped interpret, and we talked about Canada for awhile. Then they asked me if I had a boyfriend. I was able to talk to them about the value of trusting in God in this area of life and how it is so much better to wait for someone who loves God than to enjoy pleasure now for a short time but regret it later. I praise God for this opportunity to share with them! My Aunty Melita has wanted to talk to these girls about this very issue, but didn't know how to approach it. It wouldn't have meant much if I had preached at them one choir practice, or at the party...but God brought them to me, after we had developed a relationship with one another, and they wanted to listen to what I had to say. Thank you Lord for this opportunity!

Again, on my very last night there (a Friday night) six of the eleven girls from the choir came one more time to visit me. We sang songs, and I was so happy to see that several of the girls had the words to at least some of the songs we'd learned memorized. The Lord opened an opportunity for me to share simply the Gospel, and a little bit about how God has worked in my life. I felt rather awkward, especially with the language barrier. My Aunty Melita helped interpret a few words here and there. But I praise God for the chance to share, and we can keep praying that these girls would seek Jesus as their source of life and everything. Saying goodbye was emotional for the girls and for me. Several cried and gave me big hugs, and told me they would miss my voice, and they would miss me. I pray that if they think of me in the future they will not just think of me, but that they would think of God also! And that when I think of them, I would turn to God.

Praises:

1. Praise for the last choir practice going well, and the choir party and performances.

2. Praise for the opportunities to talk with the choir girls

3. Praise for safe travel home and that all my luggage made it home successfully!

4. Praise for the opportunity that I had to go, and for the lessons God taught me while I was there.

Prayer Requests:

1. Pray for the choir girls that they would continue to seek God, and that the words of the songs would remind them to turn to and trust the Lord.

2. Pray for me, that I would continue to seek the Lord and trust Him as I adjust to life back home again and fight against falling back into old thinking or acting or speaking habits that God has since been helping me change.

As I think over my trip, I smile to myself about how God works. He didn't teach me lessons in the way I expected, but He was with me. When I left, I was ready to learn, and wanted to be changed... but I thought it would be through some specific disturbing thing I saw or experiences, or through some drastic event. You will remember me asking for prayer in my first email: "It is my true desire that I will be pushed to the limit at some point so that there is no way in my physical nature that I can "put on" good virtue or a good attitude but be hiding selfishness inside. Please pray that I will be tested so that I MUST rely on God for the strength to shine as His light!" Well, I learned something. I learned that it is impossible to shine as His light without relying on God for strength. I can't, and you can't put on good virtue and hide selfishness. It looks like we can for a time, but if we aren't denying ourselves, we are heading in a direction away from God. Sin in my life is a whole lot more prominent, and a whole lot more serious than I realized. And I can't try to make myself better. Let me quote myself from the last entry I made in my travel journal as I reflected on what I am learning:

God is big, and I am nothing without Him. It is wrong to get mad at myself and dissapointed in myself and beat myself up for not doing as well as I hoped at something, because if I am dissapointed in myself, I was at some point believing in myself (I am not refering here to humble repentant sorrowful dissapointment leading to confession... that is productive dissapointment). I cannot try to be better. It will not work to say, "I must stop focussing so much on food." or "I have to be faithful at exercising" or "I must change the way I speak so I am more gracious." On my own strength there is NOTHING I CAN DO TO BECOME BETTER. My only hope is to turn to Jesus...not the words about Him, but His very person, and cast everything at His feet and beg Him to forgive me and change me. That's all.

As I dwell by His strength more and more in His words and life He will, WILL, change me through a renewed mind to be faithful in all things that matter. My words, life, actions, thoughts will all glorify Him as a matter of course. I must remember my weakness in the flesh and press on by His strength to continue in Spiritual disciplines such as reading Srcipture, memorizing, praying, fasting. Thank You, Lord, that You've promised that those who seek You will find You!!!

I am going to seek to cling to God's promise in Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Do you believe that? Do you really? Really? It's in God's Word, and it's a promise. I challenge you to try with me to stand by this promise. Whenever you feel an anxious thought, or circumstances are unbearably complicated, don't try to fix your situation or yourself. First, turn to Jesus. And don't forget the Thanksgiving part!

There are so many little things that I have been challenged and inspired in lately, but I can't write them all, so if you want to hear more, we'll have to talk in person! Thank you so much for supporting me on this trip. It means a lot to me that you all care, and I'm so sorry I've made you wait for such a long time for updates, and then written such long ones that perhaps some of you don't have time to read them! :-)

Resting in His peace,

Amy